Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was a wonderful day full of family, food, good conversations, and just a plain nice time. We hosted the "my side of the family" dinner. But, seriously I hardly cooked anything. sisters, brothers, in-laws all brought the best food ever, some great new items and some true standards. The great Slush/sprite mom always made was there for starters with cheese and crackers to wet the appetite, then the sit down dinner. The new open kitchen and front room or great room was a real treat this year, so that we could all be together and visit more. I used Mom's old cloth napkins, something we haven't done in over 10years either.

But I have to share a phone call I got that morning while preparing for the day. Hello,(me) Hi how's it going? Good how are you? I just wanted to call and wish you a happy thanksgiving and tell you I love you. Well thanks, (me). Is everything going OK? So far. Good, I just wanted to know if you are going to go pick up Angie? I think you have the wrong # (me). O my goodness I was trying to call my daughter and must have dialed wrong. That's Ok, I hope you have a great thanksgiving, (me). You too, thanks. So you might guess the rest, I started crying. I was just touched and thought of mom, she loved the holidays and the family and everything that went along with them. I also had a little mom breakdown on Wed. when I was preparing the stuffing, something I have never done without her here. I was told it turned out Ok.

I asked my brother, I wonder how long the "I need to call mom" syndrome lasts, He said "I hope forever", me too.

Baby H news. He is still cute as ever, and like we all predicted Much more alert. He and his mom have hardly slept, and they are still working hard on getting the feeding thing down. I love to hold him and look at him and give little kisses on his warm soft head. Being a grandma and grandpa is going to be GREAT and I am so thankful we are at this point in our lives.

Happy to be called...

Grandma and Grandpa! We would like to introduce the newest member of the Family...Hyrum Scott L. he was born at 0209 on 11-22 weighing in at 7lbs. 7oz. and 19 inches long. He is the cutest thing we have ever seen and with a head of beautiful golden brown hair and at this point is very very content, I will assume that disposition might change. Once it was decided he needed to be born he came fast and furious. Both mom and dad appear to be doing well, just very very tired from the long night.
We already love him and we love his name and who he is named after, "little grandpa", as Mel always called him.

So welcome to world little guy. It won't always be a great place to be, but you having loving parents and a big extended family who will do their best to show you how to be happy and that you are loved by them and by your father in heaven.


I am so grateful you are here and made it safely.

Happy but sleepless

Maybe sleep is over rated, but I have always heard you can die from sleep deprivation, and it is used as a form of torture (our own).

It must run in the family, because I can’t stay asleep. I can go to sleep really quickly, even if there is noise in the house, a kid playing guitar right under my room, a football game at the high school, and Lindsay Buckingham too loud in the Family room, but stay asleep, no fat chance. I start waking up about 1am and usually watch every hour. It doesn’t matter if I have to get up at 0345 for work or have absolutely no reason to get up at all. My brain just won’t turn back off. Kim thinks I have forgotten how to sleep. I don’t know what that means, but most mornings he finds me at he computer typing, crying, cleaning, rearranging something, or resting on the front room couch (that is actually more comfortable than my bed on sleepless nights).

I know I worry too much, about everything, getting super sat. crap done, cleaning my dusty but beautiful new kitchen, paying for my dusty but beautiful new kitchen, going through mom’s stuff, where are her rings, who wants her clothes, what is actually in the cedar chest, why can’t I get up and go to the gym any more, why doesn’t Matt go to church anymore, when will this baby come, who is coming for thanksgiving dinner, why can’t I sleep?! Sometimes you just think your brain is going to explode. O well I’ll be tired tonight and tomorrow I work so life goes on.

But Friday I had the best girls day-out ever. I had a RS pres. meeting on Thursday night and we started talking about the craft fair I wasn’t taking part in this year and 3 of us wanted to go and I knew another gall who wanted to go so the 4 of us had such a fun time. We went to the fair, to lunch and a couple of other stops and laughed and talked and ate and shopped and it was great. Those kind of days are far too far in between, but such a great shot of energy.

I am so thankful for friends and family, and being busy enough that I have plenty to think about and not be board.

Good habits

I am getting so excited, our remolding is almost completed. I will soon be able to clean and me wanting to clean you know it must be bad. I haven’t had a lot of time to post before and during pictures, so soon I’ll just post them all. But as the work has progressed my first thought each time has been “I need to call MOM”. I can not tell you how many times in the last week or so I have had this thought.

With each item completed in our home, when I bought Get Smart (she would have loved that movie), when Jessica showed up at our house in some kind of full blown allergy reaction and we thought we’d be taking her to the hospital, when Mel had to go get checked out at the hospital for her swelling and high BP, Justin wanting the boys to start working for him, when Jodi’s date had to cancel again and why and some of her frustrations right now. About my gift from my co-workers, about what a great job both my girls are doing in their Young Women callings. Matt’s hair cut and getting a car and how well he's doing in school. Jennie’s new internship. Gordon’s house and what he’s been doing to it, Kim’s funny scout auction and what sold for what $$$, the list goes on and on. I don’t know how long this lasts, maybe forever, it’s actually a nice feeling mixed with sad emotions.

I am grateful to know that some habits, (50 year old habits) are hard to brake.

A beautiful day for our beautiful mom

This is a little late but it’s taken me awhile to get some of my feelings out.

Last Saturday couldn’t have been any more beautiful. The sun was shining, the weather was perfect, the friends were many and the words spoken were comforting. As family we all know how special mom was, but we were reminded that it wasn’t just to her family, but to many more. Her example of dealing with trials and hardships was a great example to so many. But also her friendships and just plain listening to friends and new acquaintances was so easy for her. One cute little aide, at Highland wrote a sweet letter to us about mom, I’ll share some of it here. ‘I grew to love her so deeply , we had many wonderful times together. My daughter loved her also, and would always ask if she could come and see your mom….she loved unconditionally and keep a positive outlook on things….I feel very grateful to have known her and to have shared so many special and wonderful times with her.”

We all say sweet and comforting things too those who have had a death ,and never have those comments meant so much to me. “I’m so sorry for your loss, what can I do for you?” These are words we all use when ever any tragedy hits. But even those simple words mean a lot coming from people who truly care.

I have thought so much about the Here After and I can not image losing someone so close, rather it be a parent, spouse, or child and to believe that this is it. Never to know that person again, or to see them and to think they might actually just be in the ground, cold and gone. We are so loved by our Father in Heaven that he never wanted to loose any of us, so his plan to return to him and for us all to be together again is the most comforting feeling of all. Our pain is meant to be felt and to be a part of our growth and tears can be a good release and talking with others who also share the same loss helps too.

I am so grateful for my brothers and sister, we are 5 who have grown to 25, and are still growing, and the best tribute to give our faithful, enduring, loving mom is to remain a strong family, close to one another and to the Lord.

Baby Lafeen and mom shower

The rest of My Weekend.

Sat we had a baby shower for Mel. It really turned out ot be a lot of fun. Our invitations were of the rubber ducky theme and that became the whole shower theme.

Kim and I gave them the stroller and car seat, but all her aunts, grandma and family were very generous. Her baby (he/she) will have plenty of blankets, onsies, new born diapers, toys and even a kid computer.

It's fun getting to get a new baby and not have to go through any of the suffering before hand, I think they call that "Grandma", I even got a gift that day, my sister in-law Judi gave me my own umbrella stroller, that was so thoughtful.

April helping with gifts

Rubber ducky treats

Ducky cookies

Ducky Husband playing with the new toys

Karen, with her one hand, made this adorable baby supply cake full if diapers, spoons, Binkies, onesies, and other great stuff

Some things are hard to say

I want so badly to post about my weekend, but I am having a hard time concentrating on what I should say. Everyone else Kim, Mel, Annie, Jodi, Judi, Jessica & Haley have written such beautiful things about mom, that I need to just give it some more time.

At some point I would love to share what all happened in those early hrs. but it is just too close to my heart right now so I'll have to wait for the right time to share it. Mom was such a fighter and she worked hard right up until the end with every breath she took. She was so peaceful and looked to so comfortable. There was never any set diagnosis given for what was happening on those last few days, but End of Life is what I'll call it. It has to happen to all of us at some point she just had such a strong heart, not just physically, but emotionally too, that leaving us behind had to have been heard for her.

I will always be grateful for the time we spent together, not just the last few months but forever, she has shaped my life by her constant example in everything she did. In her home life, her mothering skills, her testimony, her actions in the Gospel, her dedication to the Lord, her love of grandchildren and family and traditions and togetherness. My one hope right now is that we will continue all the traditions and family togetherness that she started.

Good by for now, be happy and walk with ease, holding hands with dad and visiting with family, give our baby a kiss and watch over us with care, and we will try to continue to make you proud and happy remembering all that you taught and shared. Love LeeAnn

Where to begin?

I found this unentered post from way back in June about mom, thinking it had too many medical terms I didn't enter it. I will start with it today and continue from there.

The amazing grandma pulls through again, or at least that is how it appears. Mom had been fighting a long battle with vomiting for some strange reason, but because of that she became very dehydrated and weak, and then her comedian level (blood thinner drug) became too high and for some unknown reason she became a GI bleed (gastro-intestinal bleed). Now keep in mind I have seen this happen to strong healthy people for one reason or another and it just totally wipes them out, so just image what it does to someone who already has no strength reserve, is already weak with very limited mobility, who hasn't eaten without vomiting for weeks, has lupus and then gets pneumonia on top of that and here we are. MOM.
I have been very grateful for the care and attention she has received at Alta View Hosp. The very kind nurses and attentive support staff have been fabulous and they really like mom and what they are doing, because I can tell. Even the transporter was so kind to her and us. Her Dr.s knew when it was time to bring in another specialist and they seem to have worked well together. She would have only gotten better care if she had been at my Hosp. On my floor.
Being in the care of others can be very humbling and scary. Many of your rights seem to have been taken away along with your privacy, but they have been able to help her keep her dignity, and have been great with us. I know how very hard it is to care for really sick people, not just the pt. but the families also.
We have a great and supportive family. Every time mom is sick or any of us need something I thank the Lord we are 5. I thank the Lord for my 4 and I hope and pray as the years progress that I will earn their love and respect and therefore dedication as mom has earned ours. She never missed a sporting event, musical, football game, marching band, choir event, dance recital, basketball game, teacher conference, or anything else over the years of being a single parent, and she taught us the 9 Be’s; honest, clean, smart, humble, involved, true, still, positive & prayerful. I have a love of the gospel and a love of family and I owe it to her example. So for a mom who had to be a dad too I love you and pray for you and wish you a Happy Fathers -Day.