Love and concern from so many around us.

As family and friends started finding out what was happening the out pouring of love was endless.  I can't even count the phone calls,  flowers, those wanting to feed me, but I couldn't eat, and those telling me I was in their prayers and my name had been placed on the Temple pray roll.  It was amazing and very humbling to be so loved.  I try so hard now to use that as an example and do for those who are in need, even if it's just in  prayer, but to be name specific and to mention their individual hardships.

I mentioned that I work in Cancer, I work in the Radiation Oncology department, not specifically with the Oncology (chemo) Dr's, but I know them all, and have developed a great working relationship with them and I knew how their offices are run, I've seen their rapport  with patients.  I remember not long before this all happened I had asked a few in the office who they would chose if they needed to be seen for cancer and everyone had a different Dr. with different reasons.  I had already given this a lot of  thought, for some weird reason, and I told them in the hospital who I wanted to see.

So after being home a week I finally got to meet with my Chemo Dr., Dr. Harold Johnson.  He and his staff were surprised and sad to see it was me, the cute front desk girl said we were hoping it wasn't you but we figured it was.  Kim and Melanie were with me, I always tell my patients, bring an extra set or 2 of ears your'll be glad you did.  I was glad I did we each heard and remembered different things.

So after the usual question and answer period and so many things about the cancer being explained to us, over an hour of listening and trying to take it all in I was probably stuck on only 10-14 years life expectancy, which I guess 5 years ago that number was 3-6 years.  But I tried to listen and I was being asked about participating in a trail drug, I was told about Stem Cell transplant, lots of different drug choices, bottom line I also went away hearing people can live long and normal lives.  OK I could do this, I wanted a long and normal life, I still wanted to serve a mission with my husband, I wanted to be at grand kids graduations and weddings, this could work.

I needed a ton more tests and an port-a-cath placed which I've seen my whole career.  So I got started, a little surgery for the cath, more x rays and more blood work And within a few days I started Chemo and was given all the information about the Drug trial. 
Regarding the trail, after much pushing by my Dr. I didn't qualify, because I was too young and too healthy...go figure.  But after hearing about a man doing the study, I think I'm grateful I'm not doing it.  I needed x rays from head to toe, so that we had a baseline for when I got new aches and pains he'd know if something is broken or not. At my first visit with my Dr. and the day I was to start chemo he asked about my left leg and I said it still hurt, but was a little better since back surgery, then another Well....you have a myeloma fracture of your fibula I need you to go see an orthopedic Dr. today and see what he can do for it. You have probably been walking around on it like this since it started hurting.  My overloaded brain thought WHAT?   This thing has hurt for 4-5 months I've even gone to a now-care for this pain and no x ray was taken because I had no "apparent " injury.  Then the walking BOOT,  worn for 7 weeks.

My first 3 drugs were called Velcade, Revlemed and dexamethasone, given every Friday, so I could have the weekend to recover.  No hair loss, just nausea, stomach and GI upset, bad taste in my mouth, I lost weight on these drugs due to the bad taste and nothing ever really sounded good,  and fatigue.  More fatigue great!  I'm going to be extra tired the rest of my life. I had been told I should be released from Primary too, that I needed to avoid people with sickness.  I wondered if I'd ever see my grand kids again with that comment.  All this started on Dec. 18th, 2015.  Same day the grand kids had their adorable Santa pictures taken, Jodi had just come to town, we had planned and still had everyone over for dinner that nigh and my "new normal" life had just began.

Being busy and chaotic was probably the best thing. that evening, Melanie sat herself down in the middle of the front room floor and preceded to wrap 90 % of my Christmas presents.  I wish I had a picture of that night, we had kids everywhere, brand new babies, Burton and 3 month old Benson, all the other kids just running in and out and wrapping paper and gifts everywhere, the TV going the adults going in and out visiting, and I sat in my rocking chair and took it all in.  Being grateful for EVERYTHING.  My husband, life, kids and the little's.

I want a long, happy and normal life!!!!!!!!!!  Now if the long doesn't happen, I've had a great life with the best people possible in it.  My blessings continue to multiple, not just by people numbers but by my husband, my kids, events, blessings, testimonies, church membership, callings,  siblings, other family members, friends, by career, groups of people I've meet along the way that have blessed my life in ways they will never know.

God has a plan for us, we might never totally understand it, I certainly don't know what I am supposed to learn from this trail I've been given, or what my family is to learn,  and we may never understand it, but I will try my very best to deal with it and be a good example, to keep smiling, only cry to Kim and my girls (sorry), but keep praying and working to make my life good and normal!