Dissapointments

     I was getting used to the new routine.  Normal working, normal family life, chemo every Friday, pills every day, weekends where I have tried as hard as possible to be upbeat and not let my stomach-upset rule my life, but to be honest there have been many nights that having a dinner (takeout)  an getting a Red Box movie is the extent of our date nights and activities.  Kim is very patient with that, he always says he doesn't mind. but planning for future trips or activities is at a stand-still.  By now we usually would have our summer planned with at least a short trip, we weren't planning a big trip this year, due to our great Baltic vacation last year, can't do that 2 years in a row!!

     Over the weekend of Easter, we did fly to see Jodi and Trever, but this visit was a bit different.  We were helping move them back to Utah.  Trever was offered a job with a company in which he knows one of the owners and after much negotiating they were taking a new job in UTAH.  They sold their home in 24 hrs, and were headed back home. I really didn't do much to help, if anything at all, but help Jodi and entertain the kids.  Trever drove his truck the whole way, Kim drove Jodi's car with me, Jodi and the kids, and Milo, Trevor's dad, drove the U-Haul.  All I did was complain at night that my right leg and ankle were so swollen and painful, I was scared for many reasons.  Did I have a blood clot, could I not even do car trips anymore? Or What?  just new problems. 
     It was a new problem.  A couple of weeks after we were home I started having a pain in the front of my left leg.  Actually the whole leg was hurting and aching, but coming from one spot.  I walked over to my Dr's office and he was sitting at the receptions desk, he talked with me and wanted an x-ray right away.  I'm used to that so I later walked over to radiology and was x-rayed.  It's very convenient to walk 50 feet from my office and to get my medical care. 
     The next day was my scheduled chemo.  As I'm waiting in my recliner, visiting with a sweet lady who was receiving her last treatment for breast cancer, so I ran (walked) back to
my office where we had a few left over pink roses, and brought them back for her.  So I'm waiting again to get started, the cute aid came and said my Dr. wanted to talk to me.  Well that doesn't sound good, I felt like I was in trouble and heading to the principles office.  He came in and confirmed that my pain in my leg was a new lesion, of many that I have, but it was deteriorating and causing the pain, but it also meant that with that, and my blood work earlier in the week, which had no improvement, that the chemo I was on was not working!!!! 
     Just an FYI, the 3 medications I was on have worked for many people for many years, as many as 6 years.  I didn't get 4 months.  As I was looking at him, begging inside to please give me good news for the next step, he had none at the moment.  He showed me my lab work and my x-ray he explained what was happening.  I watch my lab every week seeing the difference from week to week, but not totally understanding it. He told me he needed some time to really look at every thing, to get some input from his partner's and that I might need to consider a 'Stem cell transplant', NOT something I wanted to hear.  I assumed that someday I might need to go that direction, but way down the road.  He said that my disease was progressing much fast than he ever imagined!  That is a lot to be told and take in.  So no chemo today!  I went back to the infusion room, hugged the sweet friend I had made wished her luck, walked back to my office, shut the door and cried!
     That night the kids had planned a miniature golfing activity for my birthday.  We all had a great time together, and that's what is important.