Motherhood

I was reading bloggs and after I read Annie's I was reminded of earlier days with younger children. I can't remember the ages of all the kids but I had all 4 home so it must of been summer, and I can only remember being at the "end of my motherhood rope". The exact situations with the kids does not even matter, but what I did I will never forget. I called Kim, who sometimes could come home in the middle of the day, and I said "If you ever want to see your kids alive again, you have to come home". Now no horrible act was in my mind, I am 110% sure I would have never harmed them or tried to drown them, but I also didn't have voices in my head telling me what to do. I only had 4 and possibly more voices all wanting and needing something from me and I couldn't give any more. With in 30 - 45 min. Kim came home, as happy as ever and gave me $100.00. Which then would be like $1,000 now and said " go do something nice for yourself. Get a good book, take your swim suit and go to a hotel for a couple of days, go shopping, or just go do something you want and I'll stay home with the kids today and tomorrow. Just let me know where you are.

Well after I picked myself up off the floor and tried to convince him I couldn't just leave. I did just that. I didn't go to a hotel, I would have been scared to do that alone, but I did go to Mom's for 2 days, I went to a movie, out to dinner, visited a friend and most important I had a much needed brake.

I have never believed in the "Super Mom" syndrome, but I am often haunted by the fact that I have never been one. Kim has said that women have a quilt gene that men do not have. But if you need a brake try and take one and when you come back things always look better and you are better.

I am so grateful for my kids, for the Lord blessing me with 4 wonderful and many times challenging kids. But despite my shortcomings they have done pretty good for themselves.