Melt down

Melt down. That is what I had a few days ago, a melt down. I go through my days reading other peoples blogs and thinking I don’t have anything that needs to be said, and this probably doesn’t need to be read, but I need to write it anyway.

About a 6 weeks ago I had a friend say to me “you really should apply for this new job” and then gave me a brief description of what it was all about. I hadn’t heard about the position because I had been off for 6 weeks for surgery and had only been back to work for 3 shifts. So I left work at 5:15pm, went to a play, in SLC, at 7pm, and by 11:30 I had applied for this job, the deadline was Midnight. Needless to say I really didn’t give it much thought.

Within 2 days I had an interview set up, 2 days after that interview I had the second one arranged. One week later I was hired for this new position, new department to the hospital , new computer system to run the department and by accepting this position I was also committing to finish my nursing degree with a bachelors degree, (I have 2 associates but it is required to have a bachelors).

I have been in training for 2 weeks. Now remember this is not nursing practices that I am learning, that would at lest be building on things I had a base knowledge for, this is all computer interactions and multi tasking with every department in the hospital, along with every Team Leader for each department and making decision as to where that patient will be placed and how fast that needs to happen. There is so much more to it than this but to try and explain it all would cause a melt down here at the key board. But after each training day we all leave just over-loaded with too much information and they keep telling us, “it will come, just relax”.

So now, I have applied to the Western Governors University, which is a non-profit on line university, to complete my degree. Tuesday night I had to take a qualifying test on line for acceptance. They said allow 2 hours to complete, it took me 3 hours and 15 minutes to complete, the questions were not easy and the essay question took me 30 minutes just to come up with an idea for the topic they assigned. I was so tired and frustrated that by time I was done I was asking myself, “why was I doing all this, did I need a new challenge in my life, was I trying to make my life more difficult, weren’t things going along just great, I Loved my schedule (that has been totally thrown off kilter). I love the people I work with, SO WHAT AM I DOING”?

Thus the melt down that night. Could not sleep, could not turn off my brain, could not relax, crying, worrying about the future of my church calling, time spent with family, Sunday dinner with the kids, working an occasional night shift, ( I really don’t care about that), not working with my friends as much, having a Dr. get mad for a decision I’ve been instructed to make, taking too long in getting the patients placed, trust me the list goes on and on. Just typing this has made me tear-up.

So here I am, with only about 10 years left to what has been a good career, doing something so new, so out of my comfort zone, my knowledge scope, trying my very best to develop skills, that until 6 weeks ago, I didn’t even know existed. I want to do my best, to prove to myself that age doesn’t matter in the learning realm, that I can be put out of my comfort zone and be OK.

So if you are trying to do something that seems hard, give me a call and I tell you good luck, relax and it will come and my favorite “If I can do it anyone can”.