One for the record book called memory

"How was your Christmas"? I have never really liked that question, and it is asked 100 x the first day back to work or when you see family and friends. I am not sure if it means "what did you get" or " did everything go as planned", or just what. So how my Christmas?

It could of been worse. I don't mean that it was bad at all, but it could always be worse. If you read Jodi'shttp://simplysatisfied.blogspot.com/2008/12/traditions.html,Kim'shttp://castawaydreams.blogspot.com/2008/12/god-blessed-usevery-one.html and Mel's http://lafeenfamily.blogspot.com/2008/12/merry-christmas.htmlyou will see that the weather and the growing children did change a few of the family traditions that we have spent 30 yrs. creating and that mom spent 57 yrs. creating. I know it would have broke moms heart that we were not all together as we have always been, but the only thing that is certain in life in that there will be change.

Our family talked about the many times we traveled in terrible snow storms to be at moms for breakfast and the second Christmas morning of gift giving, but I would always ask the kids if they would rather stay home and play with their new toys and see friends or go to grandma's and grandmas always won out, so Kim and I would pack 'em up and head 'em out and over the hills we'd go to grandmas house on the big day, with many a silent and verbal prayer, that we'd make the trip safely. But those are great memories that we will all keep forever, and that keeps us a strong family.

So back to "how was my Christmas". It was great and I was reminded of how loved and blessed I really am. Everyone knows how bad our weather was, and how cold and windy it got as the day went on. I was to work until 10pm and I got a phone call telling me that Kim was coming up to clean off my car and follow me home, because the roads we so bad and icy. At first I told him I'd be fine but I did give in (I actually had no choice) and he came and not only cleaned and de-iced off my car, but that of a co-worker too. Then he, Jodi and I followed each other home. I felt so much love from that one, not so simple, act of kindness, that my heart has truly been over filled with gratitude and gratefulness.

I am so thankful for his love and forever thoughtfulness. So I did have a wonderful Christmas, how was yours?

Time flys

As usual I haven't been good at updating the events of our lives.

GORDON Graduated from College.http://okdarlin.blogspot.com/2008/12/so-now-what.html He didn't want any fan fair and fuss made, that's just him, and he wouldn't do the ceremony at all, so we went to dinner as a family and told him we were very Pound of him and just celebrated quietly. He has worked very hard and was always doing homework, but he also was able to work full time, get married, buy a house and get it running, do family and friend activities and tolerate 2 dogs & not go in debt for school, (and pay for it on his own). He is the 3rd child of 4 to graduate and we are happy for all of them, and #4 is working towards his degree right now. It really is a great feeling to know that education is important to our family.

Melanie and Hyrum had another baby shower given by her inlaw side, and it was a lot of fun, but one thing for sure baby H. will be very well dressed for the next 6 months and could sleep in his new toy chest if needed.
We really did finish our kitchen remodel and here are a few pictures. We love the new area and it just opened up the whole space and made having people over so much more relaxing. We had thanksgiving and then the Hardcastle party here already. I did lose some decorating space and have had to find new spots for things, but the eating and visiting area is no much better.

had already stared to move things out





old wall now gone

In decorating for Christmas this year I only put up one tree. We were trying to remember & I think it's been about 13 yrs that I have always put up two, but the work and rearranging it would of taken this year just overwhelmed me for some reason. I hope this isn't a sign of things to come, because I also sent out no cards, did not make a Christmas crafts for all our families, they just got Almond Roca and an ornament (12 total), visiting teaching sisters (7 total) just got treats, no decorations, I still haven't made any English Toffee, I don't think I have ever missed a married yr. doing that, I have made no Cheese Balls, they both were Mom's favorite and I just can't bring my self to make them, I did buy all the ingredients, but they just sit in the pantry. I only got 1 new nativity set this year and it was moms, but I gave 1 away, and actually got rid of 2 more that were old and damaged. I am not feeling depressed, just indifferent and not very excited by the season, which I am usually very very excited. It might be the remodel, it might be Mom being gone, it might be I just want to spend time with Baby H. or that certain things still make me cry. It might be that I haven't been giving enough service to others and everything has been too self centered and about me and my family this year and I need to give more and think of others. Always in the past Kim and I have done our own little Christmas service to others, and we haven't even talked about it this yr. so tonight we will decide who and what and maybe things will start to feel better.

I am going to be more specific than usual in my being thankful, and I am thankful that Kim and I both have good jobs that at the moment are very secure and we can feel safe in knowing that our livelihood's can remain stable for now, and that if need be we can help our children and others if they needed it. I have a testimony of tithing and in giving back as we have been so much.

Off Work

When we were planning on Mom coming to live with us, I had asked for 3 weeks of FMLA so that I could get her settled, get the help that would be needed, and just get our life together going. Well I didn't need those 3 weeks for that reason anymore, but my boss said do what you want, so I took the time anyway, with all the intention of going into work each week, NOT!

I have enjoyed this time so much. I have been able to spend a lot of time with Mel and Hyrum. I was able to stay for 2 days when they came home from the hosp. and they have in turn been to our home 3 times, I got to go with them for his adorable baby pictures too.

I was able to have thanksgiving dinner at our home with the new kitchen/great room dig. I have gotten a lot of my Christmas shopping done, and all the decorating too, with the help of Jodi who also had taken some time off work.


I've been able to clean and get a few things organized with the new kitchen, We even cleaned all our blinds which is an amazing task, because I hate cleaning blind.

Our bi-weekly Sunday dinner was fun, we ate, held Hyrum and watched Gordon cut his own hair with the help of Matt.




Now everyone has gone back to work and school, except me, and I still have plenty to do and get ready for Christmas. I work this coming weekend, but then another week off after that. We will be having both our family Christmas parties next week and we will be starting to work more on mom's home which is something I am so not looking forward too.

Live goes on and I am thankful for the season of Christmas with all the traditions and also remembering what was sacrificed by the Savior for us.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was a wonderful day full of family, food, good conversations, and just a plain nice time. We hosted the "my side of the family" dinner. But, seriously I hardly cooked anything. sisters, brothers, in-laws all brought the best food ever, some great new items and some true standards. The great Slush/sprite mom always made was there for starters with cheese and crackers to wet the appetite, then the sit down dinner. The new open kitchen and front room or great room was a real treat this year, so that we could all be together and visit more. I used Mom's old cloth napkins, something we haven't done in over 10years either.

But I have to share a phone call I got that morning while preparing for the day. Hello,(me) Hi how's it going? Good how are you? I just wanted to call and wish you a happy thanksgiving and tell you I love you. Well thanks, (me). Is everything going OK? So far. Good, I just wanted to know if you are going to go pick up Angie? I think you have the wrong # (me). O my goodness I was trying to call my daughter and must have dialed wrong. That's Ok, I hope you have a great thanksgiving, (me). You too, thanks. So you might guess the rest, I started crying. I was just touched and thought of mom, she loved the holidays and the family and everything that went along with them. I also had a little mom breakdown on Wed. when I was preparing the stuffing, something I have never done without her here. I was told it turned out Ok.

I asked my brother, I wonder how long the "I need to call mom" syndrome lasts, He said "I hope forever", me too.

Baby H news. He is still cute as ever, and like we all predicted Much more alert. He and his mom have hardly slept, and they are still working hard on getting the feeding thing down. I love to hold him and look at him and give little kisses on his warm soft head. Being a grandma and grandpa is going to be GREAT and I am so thankful we are at this point in our lives.

Happy to be called...

Grandma and Grandpa! We would like to introduce the newest member of the Family...Hyrum Scott L. he was born at 0209 on 11-22 weighing in at 7lbs. 7oz. and 19 inches long. He is the cutest thing we have ever seen and with a head of beautiful golden brown hair and at this point is very very content, I will assume that disposition might change. Once it was decided he needed to be born he came fast and furious. Both mom and dad appear to be doing well, just very very tired from the long night.
We already love him and we love his name and who he is named after, "little grandpa", as Mel always called him.

So welcome to world little guy. It won't always be a great place to be, but you having loving parents and a big extended family who will do their best to show you how to be happy and that you are loved by them and by your father in heaven.


I am so grateful you are here and made it safely.

Happy but sleepless

Maybe sleep is over rated, but I have always heard you can die from sleep deprivation, and it is used as a form of torture (our own).

It must run in the family, because I can’t stay asleep. I can go to sleep really quickly, even if there is noise in the house, a kid playing guitar right under my room, a football game at the high school, and Lindsay Buckingham too loud in the Family room, but stay asleep, no fat chance. I start waking up about 1am and usually watch every hour. It doesn’t matter if I have to get up at 0345 for work or have absolutely no reason to get up at all. My brain just won’t turn back off. Kim thinks I have forgotten how to sleep. I don’t know what that means, but most mornings he finds me at he computer typing, crying, cleaning, rearranging something, or resting on the front room couch (that is actually more comfortable than my bed on sleepless nights).

I know I worry too much, about everything, getting super sat. crap done, cleaning my dusty but beautiful new kitchen, paying for my dusty but beautiful new kitchen, going through mom’s stuff, where are her rings, who wants her clothes, what is actually in the cedar chest, why can’t I get up and go to the gym any more, why doesn’t Matt go to church anymore, when will this baby come, who is coming for thanksgiving dinner, why can’t I sleep?! Sometimes you just think your brain is going to explode. O well I’ll be tired tonight and tomorrow I work so life goes on.

But Friday I had the best girls day-out ever. I had a RS pres. meeting on Thursday night and we started talking about the craft fair I wasn’t taking part in this year and 3 of us wanted to go and I knew another gall who wanted to go so the 4 of us had such a fun time. We went to the fair, to lunch and a couple of other stops and laughed and talked and ate and shopped and it was great. Those kind of days are far too far in between, but such a great shot of energy.

I am so thankful for friends and family, and being busy enough that I have plenty to think about and not be board.

Good habits

I am getting so excited, our remolding is almost completed. I will soon be able to clean and me wanting to clean you know it must be bad. I haven’t had a lot of time to post before and during pictures, so soon I’ll just post them all. But as the work has progressed my first thought each time has been “I need to call MOM”. I can not tell you how many times in the last week or so I have had this thought.

With each item completed in our home, when I bought Get Smart (she would have loved that movie), when Jessica showed up at our house in some kind of full blown allergy reaction and we thought we’d be taking her to the hospital, when Mel had to go get checked out at the hospital for her swelling and high BP, Justin wanting the boys to start working for him, when Jodi’s date had to cancel again and why and some of her frustrations right now. About my gift from my co-workers, about what a great job both my girls are doing in their Young Women callings. Matt’s hair cut and getting a car and how well he's doing in school. Jennie’s new internship. Gordon’s house and what he’s been doing to it, Kim’s funny scout auction and what sold for what $$$, the list goes on and on. I don’t know how long this lasts, maybe forever, it’s actually a nice feeling mixed with sad emotions.

I am grateful to know that some habits, (50 year old habits) are hard to brake.

A beautiful day for our beautiful mom

This is a little late but it’s taken me awhile to get some of my feelings out.

Last Saturday couldn’t have been any more beautiful. The sun was shining, the weather was perfect, the friends were many and the words spoken were comforting. As family we all know how special mom was, but we were reminded that it wasn’t just to her family, but to many more. Her example of dealing with trials and hardships was a great example to so many. But also her friendships and just plain listening to friends and new acquaintances was so easy for her. One cute little aide, at Highland wrote a sweet letter to us about mom, I’ll share some of it here. ‘I grew to love her so deeply , we had many wonderful times together. My daughter loved her also, and would always ask if she could come and see your mom….she loved unconditionally and keep a positive outlook on things….I feel very grateful to have known her and to have shared so many special and wonderful times with her.”

We all say sweet and comforting things too those who have had a death ,and never have those comments meant so much to me. “I’m so sorry for your loss, what can I do for you?” These are words we all use when ever any tragedy hits. But even those simple words mean a lot coming from people who truly care.

I have thought so much about the Here After and I can not image losing someone so close, rather it be a parent, spouse, or child and to believe that this is it. Never to know that person again, or to see them and to think they might actually just be in the ground, cold and gone. We are so loved by our Father in Heaven that he never wanted to loose any of us, so his plan to return to him and for us all to be together again is the most comforting feeling of all. Our pain is meant to be felt and to be a part of our growth and tears can be a good release and talking with others who also share the same loss helps too.

I am so grateful for my brothers and sister, we are 5 who have grown to 25, and are still growing, and the best tribute to give our faithful, enduring, loving mom is to remain a strong family, close to one another and to the Lord.

Baby Lafeen and mom shower

The rest of My Weekend.

Sat we had a baby shower for Mel. It really turned out ot be a lot of fun. Our invitations were of the rubber ducky theme and that became the whole shower theme.

Kim and I gave them the stroller and car seat, but all her aunts, grandma and family were very generous. Her baby (he/she) will have plenty of blankets, onsies, new born diapers, toys and even a kid computer.

It's fun getting to get a new baby and not have to go through any of the suffering before hand, I think they call that "Grandma", I even got a gift that day, my sister in-law Judi gave me my own umbrella stroller, that was so thoughtful.

April helping with gifts

Rubber ducky treats

Ducky cookies

Ducky Husband playing with the new toys

Karen, with her one hand, made this adorable baby supply cake full if diapers, spoons, Binkies, onesies, and other great stuff

Some things are hard to say

I want so badly to post about my weekend, but I am having a hard time concentrating on what I should say. Everyone else Kim, Mel, Annie, Jodi, Judi, Jessica & Haley have written such beautiful things about mom, that I need to just give it some more time.

At some point I would love to share what all happened in those early hrs. but it is just too close to my heart right now so I'll have to wait for the right time to share it. Mom was such a fighter and she worked hard right up until the end with every breath she took. She was so peaceful and looked to so comfortable. There was never any set diagnosis given for what was happening on those last few days, but End of Life is what I'll call it. It has to happen to all of us at some point she just had such a strong heart, not just physically, but emotionally too, that leaving us behind had to have been heard for her.

I will always be grateful for the time we spent together, not just the last few months but forever, she has shaped my life by her constant example in everything she did. In her home life, her mothering skills, her testimony, her actions in the Gospel, her dedication to the Lord, her love of grandchildren and family and traditions and togetherness. My one hope right now is that we will continue all the traditions and family togetherness that she started.

Good by for now, be happy and walk with ease, holding hands with dad and visiting with family, give our baby a kiss and watch over us with care, and we will try to continue to make you proud and happy remembering all that you taught and shared. Love LeeAnn

Where to begin?

I found this unentered post from way back in June about mom, thinking it had too many medical terms I didn't enter it. I will start with it today and continue from there.

The amazing grandma pulls through again, or at least that is how it appears. Mom had been fighting a long battle with vomiting for some strange reason, but because of that she became very dehydrated and weak, and then her comedian level (blood thinner drug) became too high and for some unknown reason she became a GI bleed (gastro-intestinal bleed). Now keep in mind I have seen this happen to strong healthy people for one reason or another and it just totally wipes them out, so just image what it does to someone who already has no strength reserve, is already weak with very limited mobility, who hasn't eaten without vomiting for weeks, has lupus and then gets pneumonia on top of that and here we are. MOM.
I have been very grateful for the care and attention she has received at Alta View Hosp. The very kind nurses and attentive support staff have been fabulous and they really like mom and what they are doing, because I can tell. Even the transporter was so kind to her and us. Her Dr.s knew when it was time to bring in another specialist and they seem to have worked well together. She would have only gotten better care if she had been at my Hosp. On my floor.
Being in the care of others can be very humbling and scary. Many of your rights seem to have been taken away along with your privacy, but they have been able to help her keep her dignity, and have been great with us. I know how very hard it is to care for really sick people, not just the pt. but the families also.
We have a great and supportive family. Every time mom is sick or any of us need something I thank the Lord we are 5. I thank the Lord for my 4 and I hope and pray as the years progress that I will earn their love and respect and therefore dedication as mom has earned ours. She never missed a sporting event, musical, football game, marching band, choir event, dance recital, basketball game, teacher conference, or anything else over the years of being a single parent, and she taught us the 9 Be’s; honest, clean, smart, humble, involved, true, still, positive & prayerful. I have a love of the gospel and a love of family and I owe it to her example. So for a mom who had to be a dad too I love you and pray for you and wish you a Happy Fathers -Day.

Lists

I have always been and hope to always be a list maker. It has kept me organized and usually running on task for many many years. It can also cause great anxiety when I can't get everything done that's on the list, but I will usually just put in on the next one. This week is so crazy and my list has been moved up to an agenda form. I had to start with Sunday after work, which is usually a day I don't need a list, but like I said this week is crazy.

They are starting destruction of my kitchen and front room on Wed. But before that I have to finish cleaning out all the cupboards and move all the furniture. The front room is done, but we added redoing the hall bathroom to the list, so this weekend Kim installed a new toilet for mom and Jodi prepped and painted and so now I just have to decorate and get it out back together.

But tonight Monday I have to go out to Mom's place and do a few things with Karen and then I am staying the night with Mel to actually baby sit an unborn baby. That will be fun, then home Tues. and tons of shopping and organizing for the soon to be baby shower,and getting us some food we can eat without a kitchen to use, then Wed. we have a funeral of an dear friend who died too young of cancer, and later that day a staff meeting, then Thurs. work, and back again to salt lake for a meeting for mom, back to baby sitting the unborn and Friday making the food for the shower with last minute stuff and back home again to hopefully enjoy the nothingness of my home and new big space and make sure they are doing what I want done. (the contractor will probably be glad I'm gone a lot).

So right now I had a minute while I wait on the dryer and lunch so I thought I'd do an update. I hope this project won't take too long and I will soon have some before and after pictures, but not today. Kim and my kids have been fantastic about this whole thing and I love them tons. They each take a project and help so much. I am grateful for the many blessings I have and the opportunity to have mom come stay with us.

What I did on my weekend vacation

This past weekend Kim and I went to Las Vegas for the Jimmy Buffet concert. You might remember I surprised him at fathers day with the tickets. I think I might have teased him about his excitement, or lack of, when he got the gift, but it more than made up for my lack of excitement at the concert.

I just don't do LOUD, maybe it's an age thing, but I'm pretty sure it's just a me thing. I had said to Jodi before I left, "Jimmy Buffets music is mostly mellow, so this shouldn't be too loud, right?" I could not have been more wrong. I did have a good time though, I just wish he'd played more songs I was familiar with. I think Kim had a good time. In Kim's blog he made mention to the people and their actions that we saw over and over again, but I must admit the people around us, at the concert, us were very entertaining.

We had a group of 4 couples just to the right and down one row that I could have watched all night. They came pretty sloshed (? real word), but every few min. one of the group would leave and come back with 2-4 packs of beer or mixed drinks and a big gulp size cup of Jello shots for everyone. Then they would leave and probably take a bathroom break. I hope they were good friends because some of their touchier feelie actions, to wards each other, could possible be embarrassing the next day if they weren't. The other thing I thought, it was a good thing they were in the cheep seats, because they won't remember the concert in the morning and they spent 4 times the ticket price on over priced beverages.

We had a great place to stay. A friend, who didn't even get to come, got our group free condos with her mom's time share, so that was great.

I'm not sure I can top that gift for next fathers day, but I'll have to try.

You know the famous saying what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, well I'm grateful that the ickie feeling I get in Vegas leaves me, once I leave. And the only money we dropped was at the Outlet Mall.

No pictures

Last night after a very busy day at work I hurried home to change and get to the church to watch the Road Shows. I couldn't believe how many people at work didn't even know what they were. So I explained that all the wards in one stake would get a theme and then in a short time produce a mini play, using the youth and a few adults where needed. They would then take that show on the "road " and perform at all the different buildings in the stake, we only have two. I remember as a teenager that these were so much fun and seemed like a lot of work. But putting up and taking down props and just hanging out with your friends in that setting was a blast.

All the leaders got the theme 10 days before the shows were to be performed. I was amazed at the great ideas and the music they each came up with. Their theme was "On my way to slay Goliath". I do have to admit that our ward should take the over all Prize. They had the best scenery, costumes (most of which came from my Halloween bins), a fantastic script and song lyrics. You could hear them the best and understand every word they were saying and singing.

The couple that was put in charge and just moved into the ward 2 weeks before they got the calling. And boy did they magnify their calling.


Some of the shows were a little painful to watch, but the whole idea of getting away from the crap of the world for one night and seeing good kids and caring adults coming together to do nothing but entertain and have fun with each other is so refreshing!

And a side note to Jodi's blog. The idea that marriage has become such a political issue is sad. Rather you have any religious back ground or believe in God at all, marriage is between a man and a women, that is the only true way for lives to continue. That is why it was created. Even those who want it differently know that for people to progress or procreate they must follow natures (God) plan. Science nor man can change that one simple fact. Families can consist of many different components, we all know that, but the creation of those people still had to come from man and women, and the man/man & women/women families can never change that one simple fact and I am sure that is very hard and sad for them to understand.

We must continue to be loving and tolerant of those who choose a different life style , but they in return must also be loving and tolerant of those of us who are trying to follow Gods commandments and his plan for all of us here on earth.

I am grateful for fun nights and great discussions.

Happy Birthday

Lots of little events make for a busy and nice weekend.

Friday Karen and I, with some help from Mel started to clean out and really just reorganize stuff in mom’s basement and try and decide what family might want and what should be garbage an DI. We just sort-of moved piles around. We did decide that her Cedar Chest will have to be emptied with her . It was suggested that the contents be brought to her so she can tell us what things are and why she saved them, and then possible write it down and take pictures of things.

That night we had he belated Birthday Party at the Old Spaghetti Factory for MOM. Most everyone was there. We were missing 5 grandkids & 1 great grandchild or we would have been complete. The food was great, the company even better and the cake was Yum.http://nothingbundtcakes.com/ It was also nice to see mom out of the care center for a change. She looked very nice in her new clothes and done hair. I hope she enjoyed herself too. Happy 75!
Sat. Kim worked long and hard in the yard. He is moving big rocks and has dug out a ton of dirt and has laid landscape fabric to put smaller rocks on top of. As we age our yard is becoming more and more weed free, because we don’t like to do yard maintenance and when I say we I mean him. I don't do yard work!

Jodi, Jessica and I went down to the Relief Society Conference in Salt Lake. Our stake like many others were given tickets. It was a very good and spiritual conference. The sister speakers gave great talks, but I must admit that Elder Uchtdorf was my favorite. He is fun to listen to and seemed easy to relate to and his stories made you laugh. I was glad we could go together. We did miss Mel, but she wasn’t feeling up to the night out and we did do a lot of walking to and from, my blistered foot is proof of that.

Funny story ! Our ward had a Wedding reception that night and the parents and girl are friends of ours so I really hated missing it. But Kim had said that he’d go, which meant, alone. I was supper impressed and very appreciative. I’ve had to go alone before, but I’m not sure is he ever has. So here’s the funny part. Our neighbor and friend, his wife was also going to the conference, called Kim and they went together and there they ran into a bunch of other ward member men, wifeless, and they apparently had a very nice time. Kim even told us the Wedding colors and what the refreshments were. Impressed again. Kim said he felt a little “gay” caring the nicely wrapped gift bag, but he was able to quickly hand it off. So REAL MEN aren’t afraid to step out of their comfort zones and do nice (feminine) things.

I am grateful for family ( I am sure I’ve said that before)